OK, here's the information you need to buy our stuff.

First, always use a condom.

No, wait, that's the wrong information.

Look up what you want in the giant table, here, just below there, just scroll down and you'll see it. Note that there are separate sections in the table for people in California, where you have to pay us sales tax; and for people elsewhere in the U.S.; and for Canada-and-Mexico, where one flat mailing rate applies; and for all other countries, where a different flat mailing rate applies.

We are particularly tickled—stop that!—that our friends and fans in Europe are ordering. Prices including shipping to Europe are listed below.

These prices include shipping and handling, which we don't charge for separately—we just charge for the book and the postage. Money is in U.S. dollars.

There are two ways to pay:

• Pay by PayPal or credit card. This is pretty simple. Each item we sell has an "Add to Cart" button next to it. Click that button to add it to your shopping cart. Each time you do this you'll be taken to your shopping cart on PayPal's secure site, but click Continue Shopping to come back to our sales page. You can click as many items as you want - send 'em to your friends. On the shopping cart page you can change the number of items you want and click Update Cart. We hope you buy dozens. A quantity of zero or a check in the Remove box, followed by a click on Update Cart, removes the item. Naturally nothing gets really ordered until you click Proceed to Checkout, give your credit card information, and click the final, fatal button.

  Note that all transactions are handled, secured, and verified by PayPal, not by Flaming Artist, which is all to the good. PayPal would really like you to get a PayPal account, but you don't have to - you can pay with a regular credit card. The only thing you need to know is that when you're on PayPal's page, click on the button where it says "Don't have a PayPal Account? Use your credit card or bank account (where available)." The problem is, if you do have a PayPal account, they seem to insist that you use that instead of your credit card. Oh well.

  All this is an improvement over our previous system, which, as you may remember, involved flaming arrows and carrier pigeons. So our sales should keep going up, yes? Right?

  Please follow the laws that apply where you are. Where we are, we think these are Over-18 items.

• You can also make out a check or money order in the name of Flaming Artist and send it to:

  Flaming Artist
  Post Office Box 39538
  Los Angeles, CA 90039
  USA
  

  Include a signed letter telling us what you want to buy and stating that you are 18 years of age or over.
   

About the postcards: These look great. We have six. They are on display on their own postcard page. If you buy postcards, we send them to you in an envelope, natch. But if you want to mail the postcards as postcards... We're not sure that would be so good. Check out the images on the postcard page before you send them naked thru the mails. Also, we can't ship postcards to you at the ultra-cheap Media Mail rate, by USPS regulations.

This page updated January 9, 2009. Boo.